English is Hard!

I love languages. I know just enough to get me in trouble in Spanish, German, French, Italian and Japanese. You see, I have learned that if you can imitate the accent, you can get away with a lot.

For French, I use the accent of Pe Pe Le Pew from the cartoon. For Spanish it’s Speedy Gonzalez, also from the cartoon. For Italian it’s Luigi or Mario from the Mario video game or the “that’s-a spicy-a meatball” guy from the Alka Seltzer commercial. German is General Bulkhalter from Hogan’s Heroes. Japanese is from the miniseries and book “Shogun”. Russian it’s Boris and Natasha from the Bullwinkle Show. My wife says I watch too much TV.

It helps that I am a natural mimic. If I am around anyone with an accent, within five minutes I’m talking like them. That habit has gotten me into a lot of trouble. Once I was approached by this nice Korean lady in our congregation after I had missed several meetings from being ill. She said in a very thick Korean accent “Oh, Brother Young! We miss you so much!” I replied in the same thick Korean accent “I miss you too!” It wasn’t until I received startled looks from those standing around that I realized the phantom mimicker had struck again. I once gave a 30-minute public discourse in a thick Texas accent because the guy I was talking to moments before going onstage was fresh off the boat from Texas. During the entire time my wife is giving me weird looks from the audience. I repeatedly kept trying to discreetly check my zipper thinking I was “airing the family laundry”. I have a feeling that the audience was thinking they were being addressed by a serial crotch grabber from Texas.

I was at one of my suppliers for my HVAC business one day and there was a young man named Igor from Russia working there. His English was very good. I asked him how long he had to study English to get so fluent. He told me it took him two years. I asked him if he found any words or expressions more difficult than others. He informed me that the hardest word for him to put in context was the word “up”. He said it was used in so many different contexts that it confused him. ‘What’s up”, “Messed up”, “Get up”, “Stay up”, “That’s a nice get up”, “Throw up”, “Put up with”, “Pick-up truck” and so on.

This started me thinking about why the English language was so difficult for people to learn.

For one thing, English “borrows” a lot of foreign words. “Boulevard”, “Rendezvous”, “Matinee”, “Kindergarten”, “Commitee” and “etcetera” to name just a few.

The English language doesn’t always make sense. For instance:

We drive on a parkway but park on a driveway.

The word “Phonics “is not spelled phonically.

We use the elevator to go up and down.

We eat finger sandwiches.

The words fish and shrimp can mean singular or plural.

“Innuendo” can mean an implication <or> could be Italian for preparation H <or> a redneck’s description of where the baseball went (Thank you Jeff Foxworthy)

Depending on which area of the country you are in, “dinner” can be lunch and “supper” can be dinner.

Then we have the regional accents in this country:

New England:

“Pak da Ca in de yad” (Park the car in the yard)

“Samich” (Sandwich)

The city of “Wooster” (Worcester)

The city of “Pibbitty” (Peabody)

“Fadda” (father)

“Brudda ” (Brother)

“Mudda ” (mother)

Southern:

“Ya’ll” (All of you)

“Honey Chil’” “Darlin’” “Baby” “Sugar” “Sweetpee” (Terms of endearment to strangers or family)

“whoopin” (beating)

“shornuff” (Indeed)

“Dat’s Ri” (correct)

“Sup” (What is going on?)

“Supchue” (What is going on with you?)

Exclusive to Idaho: “Beans” (Being as)

Southern California:

“Like Fer Shur” (Indeed)

“Like Fer real” (Indeed)

“Like Far out” (Indeed)

“Like Gnarley” (Very nice)

“Like wow man” (I am impressed)

“Like Don’t Coppa Tude” (Do not display a negative attitude)

Apparently southern Californians like “like” a lot.

Let’s not leave out the idioms we use:

“See ya later alligator, in a while crocodile” (See you later.)

“That’s jacked up” (There is something wrong with that.)

“So’s your mother!” (@#%*#^%)

“Give them an inch, they will take a mile” (They are not to be trusted.)

“Going all the way” (To do something completely.)

“The whole enchilada” (Completely.)

To all who are trying to learn our language all I can say is “Lotsa Luck”!