Angie and the Cop

Those in the law enforcement field have a tough job. They don’t get great pay; they also must deal with many unpleasant people who are either high or drunk. Many in our society show great disrespect for the police because of a distrust and/or hatred for authority. I recommend you watch the “Cops”, “Live PD” or “Body Cam” programs on TV and you will quickly see it is not a pleasant job. That is why whenever I see cops at a restaurant I am dining at, I will pick up their tabs anonymously.

Now I have an even greater degree of respect for them. They were recently subjected to Angie.

It was a sad July 4^th that Angie and I were called out to a close friends’ house as he was on the verge of dying from a long illness. There were several close couples present this evening. We all had steaks and good wine together along with our dying friends’ wife. It was getting late, Angie and I decided it was time to leave. As we had come in separate vehicles, Angie drove away first and I followed about 1 minute behind her.

When I pulled off their street onto the main thoroughfare, I noticed flashing red and blue lights as a Sacramento County Sheriff was pulling someone over. “Uh oh, somebody is going to have a bad day” I thought to myself as I navigated the twenty-minute ride home. When I arrived home, Angie was not there. I was not overly concerned as Angie has a habit of getting lost or stopping off to pick up something at the store. Many times, she takes her own special “shortcuts” that usually doubles the driving time.

Thirty minutes passed by and still no Angie. I decided to call her phone. No answer. I texted her. No answer. This was not unusual as Angie hasn’t quite grasped the concept of charging or even taking her phone with her. I called the location we just came from and asked if Angie had come back. They hadn’t seen her. They suggested that they drive from their place towards mine and I do the same from my home to search for her. I told them to hold off for a little bit as I regularly don’t send out the search parties until at least a day has gone by. Angie has an interesting way of keeping time, she doesn’t.

At the forty-five-minute mark Angie burst in the front door and exclaimed “I think I just got pulled over for a DUI!” Most of us would know if we got pulled over for a DUI but Angie still wasn’t quite sure. I asked her what happened, the following is the account she gave me.

• Angie: “I pulled onto the main road and this police car’s lights came on behind me. I pulled into an empty parking lot, I sort of hit the curb and bounced over it as I did.”
• Cop: “I noticed ma’am that it appears you are having some trouble driving. Are you OK?”
• Angie: “Oh, I’m OK officer. Thank you.”
• Cop: “When you pulled onto the road you drove down in the middle of the two lanes and then you hit the curb coming into here, are you sure your OK?”
• Angie: “Oh, well, I can’t see very well at night.”
• Cop: “Where are you coming from?”
• Angie: “I just left a friend’s house; her husband is dying.”
• Cop: “Have you been drinking?”
• Angie: “Yes”
• Cop: “How much?”
• Angie: “Well, I was there for about 8 hours.
• Cop: “OK.”
• Angie: “And we had dinner.”
• Cop: “OK, what did you eat?”
• Angie: “Oh, we had steak and salad. It was very good.”
• Cop: “How much did you have to drink?”
• Angie: “Just a little, well, a lot of a little.”
• Cop: “What?”
• Angie: “Oh, well it was a large wine glass and the wine was very expensive, so my friend just gave me a little, a lot of times.”
• Cop: “You seem to be having trouble telling me how much you drank.”
• Angie: “Ok, I bake. I know that there are eight ounces to a cup. The wine glass was larger than a cup, but I only had a little each time so I would guess that in total I had around maybe ten ounces.”
• Cop: “Are you on any medication?”
• Angie: “Oh yes! I take three different anti-depressant medications. I’m a very sick woman!”
• Cop: “Would you mind stepping out of the vehicle and doing a few tests for me?”
• Angie complies and the first test he did was having her focus on a pen he was holding up.
• Cop: “You seem you have trouble following my pen.”
• Angie: “I don’t follow things too well.”
• The officer then asked her to close her eyes and touch her nose. Angie proceeds to stab her finger into her closed eyes, her cheek and her earlobe.
• Cop: You seem to be having trouble with that.”
• Angie: “Well, I’m tired and have been crying and I don’t do that well, but I had a nap!”
• Cop: “You had a nap? For how long?”
• Angie: “Oh, like a little over an hour.”
• Cop: “Good for you.”
• The next test was to stand on one foot and hold the other foot out.
• Cop: “You seem to have a problem with your balance.”
• Angie: “Yes, I’m very tired and I’ve been crying. I don’t stand very well anyway.”
• The next task was walking a straight line.
• Cop: “Ok, ma’am, please walk along this line nine paces going heel to toe and count out loud. When you reach the end, turn around and do the same back to me. Do you understand?”
• Angie: “I think so. So, is my first step when I put my heel to my toe or when I take a step?”
• The officer just stared at her for a while and then said “When you take your first step. Do you understand?”
• Angie: “I think so.”
• Angie proceeds to wobbly walk down the line while counting out loud “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine” She then pivots and wobbles down back the line to the officer.
• Cop: “You didn’t count out loud on the way back.”
• Angie: “Yes I did.”
• Cop: “I didn’t hear you.”
• Angie: “Oh, I was counting in my head.”
• Cop: “You seem to have trouble walking steadily.”
• Angie: “Well, I’ve been crying. I don’t walk very straight anyway.”
• The officer then opens the rear door of his patrol vehicle and says to Angie, “ I would like you to take a breath test, by law, you are not required to, but if you don’t ,I’m going to put you in my car and take you to the station.”
• Angie readily agreed and the officer pulled out the testing device and twice carefully explained how to do the test.
• Cop: “Go ahead and blow into the tube, nice and steady.”
• Angie proceeds to take a deep breath, bent over at the waist and blew as hard as she could into the tube.
• The machine starts “beeping” and “buzzing” rapidly and the cop says, “You broke my machine! Why did you blow so hard?”
• Angie: “Well, I go to the allergy clinic and every time I am there, they have me blow into the peak flow meter like that.”
• Cop: “You’re not at the allergy clinic! I showed you twice how to do it properly. Now I have to recalibrate my machine!”
• Angie: “Oh”
• Cop: “OK, let’s try this again. Please blow slowly and steadily until I tell you to stop.”
• Angie proceeds to follow his instructions and the cop tells her to go back and sit in her car. A few minutes later the cop approaches her and with a frustrated look he hands her back her license and registration.
• Angie: “Did I pass?”
• The cop rolls his eyes and says “Yes. You know what lady, you’re too tired to drive. You need to go home and go to bed!”
• Angie: “That’s where I was going. I would have been in bed by now if you hadn’t stopped me. Good night officer.”

If that sheriff deputy ever reads this post, please accept my sympathy. If I ever see you in a restaurant, I’ll buy you lunch.