It’s All About Me!

I’m at 35,000 ft.  and on my way to another visit to the west coast of Maui. What could be better? Two weeks in paradise with the ocean, sun and beauty surrounding you. As I was happily thinking of the coming days, reality hit me. Literally. It was in the actions of the individual sitting in front of me when he decided that he needed to fully recline his seat for the whole five-hour flight. Suddenly my tray table made me realize what a rat in a rat trap feels like. 

“WHY!?!?” I screamed in my brain.

I would have screamed it literally, but I was:

1.) Pinned by my tray table and couldn’t draw the appropriate breath.

2.) Raised to be polite.

3.) Complaining is not in my makeup.

While I was pinned there, I had time to think about the world of “Me” that our society has developed into. Why not? I couldn’t move anyway.

How many times have you had to put up with people who think that they are far more important and deserve to be first and foremost in life? History is full of these types.

Adam & Eve:

Let’s start with the first human pair. (Attention all Atheists, Evolutionists, Taoists, Buddhists, Tourists and any other non-Adam & Eve’er’er’s: This is merely a well-known story from the Bible. I love you people myself, every time I meet one of you, I exclaim “Thank God!)

Adam & Eve had it made. All they had to do was cultivate the Garden of Eden and procreate. Doesn’t sound that hard to me. Enter Satan and he messes it all up by tricking Eve into eating the forbidden fruit. Now all Adam had to do when Eve showed him what she did was take her back to the manufacturer and tell Him that this model had a glitch affecting the “do what God tells you” area of her brain. God could have put a recall out on that model. Did Adam? No, he had to go and try do a coverup and look at how it turned out for the rest of us. We are all damaged goods.

Ogg the Caveman:

(Throwing a bone to the Evolutionists here)

Now, Ogg was your typical slope headed Neanderthal doing his thing back in caveman days. You know, chasing animals, throwing rocks, trying not to be eaten by the big lizard type things. Then he saw his first slope headed female Neanderthal picking these colorful plants and putting them in her hair. What does our hairy hero do? Does he walk up and grunt sweet nothings in her ears? Help her pick those colorful plants? Offer to show her his cave paintings? No, he had to go and thump her on the head with his club and drag her back to his cave by her hair. Thanks a lot, Ogg! Now we know why women really don’t trust guys. Ogg, you are to blame for all those really short haircuts some women wear that get us in trouble when we call them “sir”. You’re the reason we husbands must pay four to five times as much for our wives’ haircuts! I think there is some sort of reparation going on here.

Alexander Graham Bell

This guy is the worst offender in self-centered thinking. Look at all the havoc he has created for human society. Sure, at first the telephone appeared to be a useful and unique device. It was thought that it would make life easier for man. That’s what this evil scientist wanted us to believe! Let’s look at the negative things rapid communication has caused mankind:

1.) Wars:

In the “pre-Bell days” countries wouldn’t hear about an outbreak of war for four to five months. By the time they reacted and returned to the area, everyone was either dead or forgot about it.

2.) Murder:

If it wasn’t for our dear Mr. Bell there would be less strangulation murders as the killer would be forced to look for a rope or something to kill his victims with, but no, he had to go and  invent the ever lethal “telephone cord”.

3.) Herpes

Have you ever thought of how filthy the handset of a phone is? I bet you were thinking I was talking about “the other Herpes”, well, in a roundabout way, the telephone evolved into the modern-day cell phone. Without these devices hormonally charged individuals that frequent the night clubs and bars searching for equally charged individuals would not be able to “exchange numbers” so that they could meet up and “exchange diseases”. Further evolution of this technology spawned the Internet and all the joys it has brought to mankind. (BTW – NEVER search for the band called “Beasty Boys” and click on the images. You will be scarred.)

Now, let’s take a moment to examine our modern society we have today because of the “Me” generation.

It has always bothered me when I would see a commercial where the spokesman/woman would be telling you that you can get the credit/car/home/wealth/body or grill master that YOU DESERVE! WE deserve nothing. Everything we have is a gift of life that somehow, we manage to misuse.

Our education system has lost its mind. Now if anyone fails or does not meet life’s requirements for a useful human being they are told: “Why, <insert genderless name here, we don’t want anyone feeling oppressed, do we? >, you get a award for the most tests failed! You tried hard!” No, you didn’t! You were trained by this very system that you didn’t have to! Now you want a high paying job and to live in MY house because you DESERVE it. I think society has turned into a game show. Manage to complete a three-word sentence and you will win a new car!

Sorry, got on my soap box there for a minute. I’ll stop. Sort of. I got to go to the restroom anyway but I can’t seem find one labeled “Men” (Welcome to California)

In conclusion, I would like to recommend some new products for those of us that have to deal with these self-centered idiots.

How about a surface to surface missile system option on our new car that, by the way, we earned by being productive and useful to society. That way, when we are confronted with me-ish drivers, we could perform a service for the rest of sensible mankind and remove the idiots that cut us off, ride our bumpers, honk at us when we are driving the speed limit. One little push of a button and “boom!”, the IQ of the world just got higher.

Tasers should be issued to help control the obnoxious individuals who choose not to be part of society and provide for themselves by working. How cool would that be?

 “Any spare change?” ZAP!

“Would you like to donate to save the pigmy toads of Borneo?” ZAP!

We could hook them to our evil phones. “You have won a trip to Borneo!” ZAP!

Before you start calling the news networks that I’m a <insert your favorite cause here> a-phoebe, Cool your jets. You are forgetting that I too, DESERVE what I should have.

“COMMON SENSE!”