Hospital Stories

Angie and I have been recently binging on reruns of the old medical series “ER” on Hulu. The show has all sorts of back stories of what goes on behind the scenes in the ER and Surgery. Some might watch that show and come to the conclusion that it is all made up for the TV show. I am here to let you know that in that era, and most likely today, the antics behind the scenes are tame on that show compared to what really goes on in a hospital.

From 1974 to 1977 I worked at a large hospital in southern California. I was 18 when I started and they had us doing medical procedures that you would think only a RN or MD should do.

One of my first positions there was that of a “transport aide”. This entailed moving patients from  their room  to surgery, from ER to ICU or the medical floors, from the recovery room back to their hospital room and my favorite job known at the hospital as “DR. Green”. That was the code they would put out on the PA system when they need a body taken to the morgue. I would hear “Dr. Green to 744” which meant I needed to move the patient in room 744 to the morgue.

The policy in the hospital was to take the body and make it as alive looking as you could because if you went down the hallway with a completely covered body the other patients and visitors in the hospital might lose a little confidence in the quality of medical care provided. Some times when they were “freshly dead” it wasn’t too hard to make them look less dead. They mostly looked like they were sleeping or unconscious. Just close their eyes and off you go.

The “really dead” patients were just a little more of a challenge. They usually would be the geriatric patients brought to the hospital from the care home with a serious and often fatal problem. These patients were on the medical floors and they would usually die during the night shift. If they died during the day shifts they would be found sooner and would qualify as “fresh”.

My usual routine was to show up at work at 5 am, two hours before the day shift started. I would start getting the “Dr. Green” calls around 6 – 6:30am when the night shift was doing their final rounds. During the night shift the patients would be “peeked in” on occasionally but if they appeared asleep and not in distress they were usually left alone. The final rounds would include a blood pressure and temperature check. That is when the ones who have assumed room temperature would be found.

One occasion I was training a new transport tech when we received the “Dr. Green” page over the P.A. system. We arrived at the designated room and when we pulled the gurney up next to the bed I informed my trainee that this was a “really dead” one. He asked,

“How can you tell?”

I merely removed the pillow under the patient’s head and it stayed in position due to the rigor that had already set in. I calmed the now very agitated trainee and assured him he would get used to it. Some might think that attitude is very callus. I do not agree. It is a condition you get used to when dealing with dead bodies. Don’t get me wrong. We were still very respectful of the person they used to be but in this state you do not consider the body as a person. With that said, I want to tell you a story.

I received the call to pick up a body during the late morning. The elderly patient had passed away during the night but they forgot to call for transport. They discovered this fact when the aide went into the room to prepare the bed for a new patient about to be on his way up from admission and found the bed still occupied. They quickly called admit and told them to delay the transport and then I received the call.

This gentleman was in a semi reclining position when he passed away. He also died with his mouth and eyes being wide open. He was stuck that way. Hard as I tried I couldn’t move any part of him to at least resemble maybe a “just might be dead but I’m not sure” patient. Pulling on all my warped and imaginative abilities I placed a oxygen mask over the gaping mouth, put a surgical cap on his head and pulled it down half way over his eyes. I transported him in the totally stuck semi reclined position. The tube hooked to the mask I just tucked under the mattress of the gurney as I didn’t have an oxygen tank with me.

A nurse from the floor chased me down before I got to the elevator to inform me I neglected to hook the patient to an oxygen tank. I smiled, lifted the cap slightly and informed her that the gentleman had been out of breath for quite a while. While going down the third floor hallway on the way to the morgue I passed the director of nurses office just as she came out. At that moment I was telling the patient a joke as I would talk to these special patients to try to pass the deception off properly. The director walked along side of me while listening to my joke. When it was done she smiled at my patient and told him that he was in good hands. When there was no reply she looked at me and I informed her the patient was “feeling real dead today”. She reached over and touched his room temperature arm and then looked at me again, shook her head and walked away. It is rather odd that I still get that reaction from some people today.

Right across from the lab was the elevator we used to get to the morgue. On this particular day the waiting room in the lab was being repainted so all the patients waiting to get blood drawn were sitting in the hallway, directly in from of the elevator I needed to get my “not quite alive looking” patient on. The only thing they have seen loaded into that elevator all day was trash. I started to get some concerned stares when a quick thinking anesthesiologist saw my dilemma and stopped next to my gurney and loudly stated,

“Don’t worry Mr. Johnson, the ambulance entrance is blocked by construction. Derek here is taking out the back way to get you transported.”

He patted the hand of the patient, winked at me and strode off. A look of relief came over all the spectators.

The rest of the trip to the morgue was uneventful. I did have quite a time getting him to fit into the refrigerator drawer but my ability at the game “Tetris” proved rather useful.